Oh wait!, I forgot, I did get a nice Chinese New Year bonus. One of those Chinese red envelopes. Inside? A crisp, brand new, 10 dollar bill. Fuck yeah. Now I can afford that gallon of gas I had my eye on…..for the car I don’t have…..and can’t drive.

- Watermelon Keg: What can I say, not having Watermelon’s naturally filled with alcohol was God’s greatest failure. And the Christian’s think he’s perfect, eh?

Industrious Alcholics = 1. God = 0.

Wait, I forgot about the existence of French Canadians.

Industrious Alcholics = 1. God = -10

- Animal Facts: Oh Girlrobot, I am normally very supportive of your website choices,, but this one does NOT make the grade. Besides the fact that the spelling of these little bon mots is beyond atrocious (Camels have three eye-LIDS! Not brows! I spent 5 minutes starting at that picture think, what the hell is he talking about, there are 2 right there! And a mature BEER is quite delicious, and does run through me quickly, but probably not as fast a horse), there also remains the fact that many of them are outright wrong (snakes can hear, Mosquitos don’t have 47 “teeth,” and many animals sunburn).

Unless of course, you posted this page solely for the quasi-literate comments below it, which make the poster seem like Noah fucking Webster. “Do the needful!”

- Jeopardy: 7 out of 10, for the Hakushaku. Not too shabby. I love the crazy bitch who wrote “cash register” for the June 19th one. You can tell Alex is just like “….uhh, do you even speak English?”

- Steve Punching: I don’t know how he convinces these people to do this in this litigatory day and age, but Steve my man, you’ve got 10 juicy battery lawsuits on your hands! Call me! I promise you I can make one of them stick. Probably against that Rachel Dratch, since she looks like a goblin.

Juries never let goblins win. Especially when they have goblin names.

Ann Coulter:
Well, I appreciate the setup, but trying to break down Coulter’s arguments is like trying to argue a homeless man out of having sex with a mailbox…..I mean, you just don’t know where to start.

She’s a joke on both sides of the isle, and now she’s just desperately flailing for attention by writing the most obnoxious title possible. I’m sure it will be “microwaving liberal babies is fun!” next week.

I have always been amused with the whole “there hasn’t been a single attack on the US since 9/11 with Bush as president!” argument. That’s true.

I also haven’t been raped by a tiger since Bush became president, so I guess we should call him “the slayer of Bengali” from now on, too.

My great solace is that history will not only judge Bush harshly, it will judge him while he’s still alive! Its not gonna take 50 years to realize what a colossal fuck-up he’s been in every aspect of his personal and professional life, and so I’ll get to see him labeled the worst president in history while he’s biking around Crawford in his stupid tight little pants.

And hopefully we can burn Coulter as a witch.

And I agree with you about feeling old. I almost jumped out of my chair in my excitment to read some final Jeopardy! questions. I am old AND a dork. Great…