It finally hit me when I found out a girl I know who is also pregnant and due in May just had her baby yesterday…there is going to be a little person in our family soon! Up until now, I was not really scared or nervous because I was so miserable being pregnant that anything seemed better and all I could think about was the relief I would feel when I no longer have all of these pregnancy symptoms. But then I finally started thinking about what a big change this is going to be. I have many worries and now I’m full on anxious and kind of scared…here is what’s on my mind:
– the pain of labor. I know if it gets bad I can get an epidural and people tell me once you get the epidural it’s not even that bad but I hate needles and hospitals and all that junk. plus I’m so out of shape I wonder how I will have the endurance and stamina to push a baby out of me ??? and thinking about the catheter and all of the after pains. there is so much that just does not sound fun. and it all seems so…foreign…I guess I won’t know what it’s like until I go through it. I just hate the unknown! ugh!
– how will my life be different? i can honestly say i’m pretty happy with my life…i’m throwing a big wrench in my life and from what i’ve heard it includes lots of crying, responsibility, and no sleep. and I get SO grumpy when I don’t get enough sleep. double ugh!
– how will my relationship with boyrobot change? our relationship is not perfect but i have to say we work well together and i absolutely think he’s the best partner for me and i’m so happy with us. what’s going to happen when we throw a baby in the mix? boyrobot can barely take care of himself…am I going to resent him if he doesn’t pull his weight?
– what is it like being completely responsible for a whole other person? will i still have freedom? am i going to miss “me” time? it all just sounds so tiring! i will definitely miss the times when i can just be lazy and DO NOTHING…i feel like i won’t get that anymore and that scares me.
most people who know me know that i’m just a kid myself. i’ve never even changed a diaper before. i love kids but honestly i get bored playing with them after an hour ha ha. this kid will be all mine and i won’t be able to return her after i get bored or tired of her. i suddenly feel ill-equipped to handle a child. i guess i was never really ready but people who have kids tell me you never are. it’s just scary when you are completely happy with your life and you have a big change coming up…know what i mean?
anyways, i’m really anxious right now. In exactly 4 days I will be full term and the baby could be here any day now…i just can’t believe it !!!!!! and even though i’m petrified at the thought of being a mother, i am excited to go on maternity leave. i just hope the baby stays inside long enough for me to enjoy it!
Posted: 30 April, 2012 in Personal.