As you can see…I never got around to my blogging extravaganza during maternity leave because…little Emma decided to come early!
It’s weird. When I envisioned my labor I imagined crying (because I’m a super weepy person) but when they put this little person on me after she came out I didn’t really feel anything. It was just all arms and legs and I don’t remember feeling a single emotion. Not scared, not intense love, not happiness or anything. Actually I was just very calm which is weird considering I just birthed a small human being!
But now…11 days later. I get what everyone says when they say they fall more and more in love with their babies every day. Boyrobot and I probably exclaim how cute she is like 10 times a day (and yes we know we are biased and there are way more cuter babies out there!) and also how much we just love and adore her. Even though she does not do much yet besides eat, sleep, and poop and doesn’t even have much of a personality we can’t help but just love her. It is kind of scary to me how much we care about her already!
But I have to be honest the past 11 days has been pretty crazy. I am not motherly at all and I’m pretty awkward around babies. I don’t really like holding them and before my own I had never changed a diaper. I still feel awkward doing certain things but when you have your own kid you just do it. Because you have no choice. The hardest part about parenting is how stressful it is. You are in charge of keeping this little person alive. And suddenly it seems like any and everything could go wrong. I am not usually a worrier but having a baby is so stressful as you constantly worry about their health and all of the million things that could go wrong. I really hate that feeling. I know…these are new parent jitters. I wonder how people parented before Google? We are finding out that many things that seem off are quite normal thanks to the internet :)
It’s also crazy how much more I’ve fallen in love with boyrobot after the baby arrived. He has been the most helpful and supportive husband and new dad. It has been so nice to go through this learning process with a partner like him. I’m seriously dreading the day he goes back to work…which is later this week. UGH! I’m so lucky that Emma has been a really good and easy baby…but it has been so nice to take care of her with someone else helping. I don’t know how people with multiple kids/babies do it! Sometimes I feel so inadequate and incapable as a mother but every day has gotten a little easier. Hopefully in a few weeks or months I’ll look back and think how easy everything ended up being!
Anyways, just checking in to explain why I haven’t been updating like I said I would. Once I get our routine down, perhaps I will be blogging some more in the future. :)
Posted: 20 May, 2012 in Personal.