I’m not really friendly. I’m quiet. I have a hard time coming up to new people. I hate small talk. and I’m really shy.
I don’t really mean to be so antisocial but I honestly enjoy my own company more than others. It’s just mentally exhausting for me to hang out with people….unless they are good friends. I’m very comfortable just being by myself.
My worst nightmare involves me and a stranger and awkward silences.
My ideal situations involve just me. Or me and boyrobot. Or me and a few good friends.
Actually is it totally weird that I don’t feel comfortable one on one except for boyrobot, my cousins, or my family???? Even friends I’ve known for YEARS I can feel anxious about the thought of spending alone time with them. What’s wrong with me????
Sometimes I wish I was the type that could go up to people and be the friendly person I know I am deep down inside. I really do like people. And friends. I just suck at making them. I’m better at keeping them.
I think I suffer from a mild case of social anxiety. It’s just really weird because I don’t think of myself as insecure and I don’t really care what people think of me. I actually think I have a decent personality (once you get to know me??) and can be somewhat entertaining but the thought of hanging around people sometimes gives me an uncomfortable feeling in the pit of my stomach. I can’t really explain it but it’s really annoying!! I want people to know that I’m fun, funny, and nice not the quiet, boring, reserved self that I come off as. Will anyone ever get to know the real me?
I’ve given up the thought that I will not be this way and have chalked it up to some mental disease that I have. It’s out of my control and it’s incurable! Even if there were pills I could take, I can’t swallow them! And drinking does no good. I might be laughing for about 5 minutes but I will soon fall asleep thereafter.
Anyways, just a broadcast message to anyone who has ever felt jilted by me. It’s not you, IT’S ME. (which btw, kind of annoys me…so what if I’m not all happy/bubbly when I meet you. do you really have to be that judgemental?)
ps. It’s boyrobot’s birthday….he is finally going to join me in the 29 year old boat!!! I’m really happy that I have him in my life and that I feel 100% comfortable with him and despite knowing the real me, he still wants to spend the rest of his life with me. ;)