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December 2008



Monday Brain Dump: Antisocial And Introverted

I’m not really friendly. I’m quiet. I have a hard time coming up to new people. I hate small talk. and I’m really shy.

I don’t really mean to be so antisocial but I honestly enjoy my own company more than others. It’s just mentally exhausting for me to hang out with people….unless they are good friends. I’m very comfortable just being by myself.

My worst nightmare involves me and a stranger and awkward silences.

My ideal situations involve just me. Or me and boyrobot. Or me and a few good friends.

Actually is it totally weird that I don’t feel comfortable one on one except for boyrobot, my cousins, or my family???? Even friends I’ve known for YEARS I can feel anxious about the thought of spending alone time with them. What’s wrong with me????

Sometimes I wish I was the type that could go up to people and be the friendly person I know I am deep down inside. I really do like people. And friends. I just suck at making them. I’m better at keeping them.

I think I suffer from a mild case of social anxiety. It’s just really weird because I don’t think of myself as insecure and I don’t really care what people think of me. I actually think I have a decent personality (once you get to know me??) and can be somewhat entertaining but the thought of hanging around people sometimes gives me an uncomfortable feeling in the pit of my stomach. I can’t really explain it but it’s really annoying!! I want people to know that I’m fun, funny, and nice not the quiet, boring, reserved self that I come off as. Will anyone ever get to know the real me?

I’ve given up the thought that I will not be this way and have chalked it up to some mental disease that I have. It’s out of my control and it’s incurable! Even if there were pills I could take, I can’t swallow them! And drinking does no good. I might be laughing for about 5 minutes but I will soon fall asleep thereafter.

Anyways, just a broadcast message to anyone who has ever felt jilted by me. It’s not you, IT’S ME. (which btw, kind of annoys me…so what if I’m not all happy/bubbly when I meet you. do you really have to be that judgemental?)

ps. It’s boyrobot’s birthday….he is finally going to join me in the 29 year old boat!!! I’m really happy that I have him in my life and that I feel 100% comfortable with him and despite knowing the real me, he still wants to spend the rest of his life with me. ;)


Comment from J
Posted: December 8, 2008 at 8:55 am

You basically described me. I, too, am funny and interesting, but am quite anti-social. It’s not that I don’t want to be around people, but that I can only be around people for a certain amount of time. After that, I need to retreat to my bat cave and recharge.

There isn’t anything wrong with either of us. Some people just need more quiet/alone time than others. It’s good that you found a dude that is ok with that. My ex wasn’t so she left and it sucks because you wonder if you’re doomed to loneliness.

I think people like us are more sensitive to being judged. If we’re around a lot of people we worry that they won’t find us funny or interesting or whatever so we would rather not put ourselves in that situation.

Don’t worry about it. You are who you are. If people can’t accept that, then you’re better off without them.

Comment from che
Posted: December 8, 2008 at 2:07 pm

im the same way, but i see nothing wrong with it :) its not the ideal situation for most people, but everyones different anyway. it could be worse… you could come off as a bitch like me lol… but sometimes i really am being a bitch, but only with certain people :P

Comment from gus
Posted: December 8, 2008 at 4:04 pm

haha… seems like all of us (your friends) are the same.

Comment from pokebot
Posted: December 9, 2008 at 12:57 am

seriously.. maybe that’s why we get along :P

happpy birthday boyrobot!

Comment from Hakushaku
Posted: December 9, 2008 at 8:12 am

Haha all of us the same? Oh….I think NOT, my good Gus.

Ahhh, so this is why I don’t get invited to dinner anymore, eh? Because you’re scared that you won’t be entertaining enough for me?

Hahaha, so silly, GirlRobot. You are a silly billy.

Of COURSE you’re not entertaining enough for me! Are you kidding? I mean I’m a man who has been arrested for trying to kill the Emperor of Japan with a snack cake! I’ve done battle with vicious, viscous creatures of the sea and eaten them alive while their tentacles writhed! Defended eagle poachers and shark assassins in open court! Watched horse gods with red eyes maul legions of men and crush them into the ground during the bloody festival of Gorei! And you propose to entertain ME?

With what, some story about that time you couldn’t swallow that aspirin? Come now. To entertain the Hakushaku, cities must burn, men’s souls are bought and sold, trecherous demon cats must soil my cereal bowls. My great misfortune is that entertainment will find me, like a snarling dog, wherever I go.

So what are you worried about? You need to just sit back and enjoy the ride. If you ever end up spending time alone with me, you’ll be lucky if we arent chased out of a burning building by angry pear farmers who think (rightly) that I’ve stolen some of their produce. You won’t have time to worry about not being entertaining, believe me.

You will be too busy dodging the thrown pears.

Comment from kristen
Posted: December 9, 2008 at 11:57 am

Oh Kimmy, I love you just the way you are! I can relate to how you feel though. I’m uncomfortable in a group setting especially around strangers. I have to tell myself to be more outgoing and to talk to others, then I feel fake afterward. Oh well, fake it till you make it! Think of it as an opportunity to learn about people. =)

Comment from yinyang
Posted: December 28, 2008 at 11:55 am

There’s nothing wrong with the way you are! Some people are just more social and some are just not in certain situations. People are truly missing out if they haven’t gotten to know you!!!!

Comment from frank
Posted: February 6, 2009 at 1:16 pm

Psst! Anti-social is synonymous with sociopath and psychopath. Just thought you should know, hehe. schizoid personalities is what you talk of.